
Gotta Get a Few Things Off My Chest
1. I wonāt make you wait for the big news.
Iām pregnant :)
Actually, as a matter of fact, the better way to say that would be: Iāve been pregnant. Iām in what they call the second trimester as I write this to yāall. Itās crazy just to type that out. Whew!! Iāve never felt ANYTHING like this before. Itās like one minute youāre living your lifeā¦. and then the next minute youāre living this whole different life. I canāt even really explain it. Iām so happy, though. That much I can tell you. Iām a happy mom-to-be.
But thereās also a flip side of that.... and itās unfortunate, I wonāt lie: Iāve played my last game of this WNBA season. If you know me, then you know how tough that is for me. Iām a damn competitor. I donāt like having any type of unfinished business left on the court ā and I feel like we still havenāt put it together as a team this year in Atlanta. So itās bittersweet to have my season be over.
2. This wasnāt something I planned on.
Iām going to be really real with you here. Thatās why Iām writing this article, is to keep things real about these topics. Have I always wanted a family at some point? Absolutely. Thatās been a big dream of mine. But the truth is, in my mind that was something that was going to happen after my playing career was over. The idea of getting pregnant while I was in the W?? I mean, I knew players who had done it. But I also knew that was some superwoman type behavior. In my head I was just like, Hmm. Nah, Iāll wait.
But then it happened.
And Iāll tell you what.... there were so many different thoughts traveling through my head, and so many different things that I talked about with my mom and my boyfriend (thatās how tight of a circle we kept it at first, just us three and my doctor). It was an entire MESS of emotions, and itās like each different emotion can dominate your feelings on a different day. There were some blunt conversations about how this could impact my career, my body, my athleticism, my earnings, and so on. It was even raised, the question of, Cheyenne ā should you keep the baby?? Are there options, you know what Iām saying??? And this is no judgment toward anyone elseās choices, I need to be very very clear about that. But for me, just having that thought of options in my head.... itās like my whole body and soul rejected it. Itās like the feelings were so real to me in that moment. Call it love, call it Godās plan, call it what you will. I realized Iāve been given a blessing.
3. My mom.... thatās my rock.
I want to tell yāall a lot more about this pregnancy journey Iāve been on ā but first I think I need to backtrack a little, and explain a few things about myself. Iāll probably start crying as I write this.... hang with me, though. Itās not always easy to share.
One thing about me is: I grew up around domestic violence. I donāt think I knew exactly what ātraumaā was at the time, or what it meant. But what I can tell you now is that those memories.... I mean, theyāre more than just memories, right?? It's like, the fear, itās not in the past. The fear is right there with you. It's your shadow. Itās a forever thing.
When I was about 10 years old, my mom got us out. Me and her and my younger brother, we bounced around homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, stayed with family ā wherever there was a bed or a couch. But the thing is.... just getting out?? That doesnāt make the pain go away. And I think my mom always understood that.
4. Basketball.... thatās my escape.
Basketball, for my whole life, thatās been the one okay place in the world.Ā
Thatās been where I go to forget, and to be carefree. I might have had all this trauma as a little kid, but you put that ball in my hands and I was FLYING. I might have gotten in some fights at my new school in Georgia (Oh she from New York, she think she better than us?!), but you put me on the basketball team and then suddenly I started making some bonds. I might have gotten busted for weed in college, and taken suspensions for that, but you give me that goal of making the LEAGUE?!? Of being in the 144 of the W??! Well now I have a purpose, and no one on this planet is working harder than me once I have a purpose ā especially if it has to do with hooping.
And Iām so proud of it, you know what I mean?
Iām so proud to have gotten myself this far. Iām so proud of what Iāve overcome. I really wasnāt supposed to be here!! So when you start talking about Cheyenne Parker, WNBA player?? That right there ā itās everything to me. Everything.
And if you know what the talent pool is like right now, then you know: Aināt NO guarantees in this business. Might take you 20 years to make it.... but you can lose it in a blink of an eye.
I just donāt think people appreciate that enough about female athletes ā and about the situation weāre in, if we want to be making these types of family decisions. I worked hard as hell to get to this level. Iām not where I want to be just yet, which is an All-Star, but I feel like Iām close. Iām 28, coming off my career year. This was my moment, if weāre being real about it. So itās like imagine youāre climbing Mount Everest, and youāve made it through the storms and the snow and the ice and the hail and all of it, and youāre so close to the top you can see it.... and then right at that moment you tell your climbing crew, Actually hold up. Iām about to have a baby. Letās finish this climb in a year, if thatās cool with yāall.
If we still can.
5. Before I keep going, I think I need to address one thing.
Some people reading, they might know this, but it came out around preseason that I was the only player on the Dream who got COVID. And it also came out I wasn't vaccinated ā and that brought out some criticism toward me, for sure. And letās be real: I didnāt help matters, with the way I reacted.... which I can see now probably came off as me being defensive. Almost like I had jokes about it. Or like I wasnāt taking it seriously.
And I guess I have a few things to say about that.
One is, thereās no excuse for my reaction. Iāve always prided myself on rising to the occasion if adversity happens, and on setting a good example. I didnāt do that here.
But Iām also a human being. And I hope that people can understand how, like, what came out as defensive ā the truth is, that was more like me being in denial, as a way of coping. Iām not one of these people whoās going around like, āNah. F*ck science.ā I take COVID really seriously, I take my health really seriously, and I take my babyās health more seriously than anything in the world. I struggled a lot with the decision of if I should get vaccinated while pregnant. I asked my doctor, I did my research, I talked it through with my boyfriend and my mom. I donāt care about any of the politics of it, or any of that b.s. Truly all I care about is my babyās health.
And I went back and forth about it for a while. Itās almost like I was paralyzed from trying to do the right thing, if that makes senseā¦ā¦ā¦ it was torture. But it just seemed like the advice about vaccinations and pregnant women, at that time, it was still up in the air. It was still a situation where no one was telling me, you know, Itās undisputed, Cheyenne, these are the facts, this is what you should do. So I just tried to make the right choice, the best I could.
And honestly.... maybe I didnāt end up making the right choice. And I promise you Iāve had to live with that thought every day. I promise you that it messed me up. But I really just wanted to clear the air, so people know where I was coming from during all of that ā and where Iām coming from now. I just want to be a good mom, you know what I mean? I have so much love in my heart for that baby. And I just hope my baby will love me back, flaws and all.
6. Everyone wants to focus on the physical side of female athletes being pregnant ā but they have it twisted.
Itās the mental side that is most challenging, by far.
And not even just āfemale athletes,ā to be honest with you ā women in general. Anyone who is reading this and had to go through a pregnancy in the pandemic, Iād give you a hug right now if I could. Yāall are my heroes. Yāall are who Iām looking at right now for strength. And yāall might be the only people I can relate to right now. So I just want to say thank you for existing.
But itās been a lonely time.
And itās been a dark time, at certain moments, no doubt.
I think the worst moment for me was probably in those weeks dealing with COVID. You have to understand.... it wasnāt just COVID itself, and those symptoms that I had to endure, the chills and fatigue. It also wasnāt just the pregnancy on top of that, and Iām vomiting all day, and thatās a whole other fatigue. And then like I said, it wasnāt even just how terrible I felt about getting COVID when I was supposed to be protecting my baby at all costs. It was all of those things, combined.... and then on top of that, this other thing: Now, not only was I going to have to miss the end of the W season ā I also had to miss the start of the new season.
That almost broke me, man.
You know how thatās like? When itās not just this one L ... but itās the whole accumulation of Ls? It was like the start of this season was the one thing I had in my life that was going according to plan. I was coming off of a career year in the Wubble. I was in the best shape of my damn life. It was early enough in the pregnancy that my game wouldnāt really be impacted. That was the ONE thing I had wanted. I was like, alright, just give me this. Let me make my mark in the first half of this season, and remind the league what Iām about. Let me just ball out before I take this maternity leave.
But then I couldnāt even have that.
And I wonāt lie to you: I got very depressed. I got very depressed for a minute there. And like I said, I really do no not want to sugarcoat anything here. I think this is way too important for any of that. So Iāll tell you what being depressed meant for me.
It meant losing a lot of weight ā almost all of my athletic muscle.
It meant not wanting to be awake, ever. So like Iād sleep, Iād wake up, Iād probably vomit some, probably eat some breakfast my boyfriend made, probably vomit some more, and then go right back to sleep. It was like sleep was the only way I could stop feeling what I was feeling.
It also meant having thoughts about how worthless I was, how I didnāt deserve to live. I just felt like I couldnāt do anything right. Couldn't do ābasketball playerā right. Couldn't do āgirlfriendā right. Couldn't do being a mom right. Couldn't do being a person right. I just felt like.... there was no reason for me to be around.
And I really want to include all that in my article, even for as raw as it seems ā because I hope that maybe someone out there can be reading this, maybe another mom-to-be out there can be reading this, maybe a mom-to-be whoās had those thoughts, too, who feels like she canāt do anything right. Maybe sheāll be reading this. And maybe sheāll believe me when I say this next part: that there actually IS life after those thoughts. It doesnāt matter how dark they are. If you can just make it to the other side.... there is life waiting for you, I promise.
Iām proof.
7. Shouts to my UNION.
Iāll tell you an embarrassing story about me, because I think it can be a good example.
Alright. So.... Iāve always had respect for unions. And Iāve always had respect for MY union, the WNBPA. I respect what they do generally, and ā yeah, of course ā I love what they do for me personally.
But I wonāt front: I might not have been paying the best attention to every single part of our new CBA from last year. I might have taken a couple of breaks in terms of giving my full undivided focus to all of the tiniest details. And one of those details might have been the maternity leave stuff. Because like I said ā maternity, that just wasnāt in my plans. That was for after my playing career. So I wasnāt really trying to memorize every detail of the CBAās new child-care stipend, if you get what Iām saying.
And......................... then I got pregnant.
Yāall.
HOLY CRAP.
Now, my first thoughts ā they were some combination of āHowād this happen??!?ā and āPraise God.ā But eventually I also started to think about more practical things. Like: If I take part of next season off, whatās that going to do to my finances?? Can I afford this, can I afford that, am I about to have to make some changes ā that type of thing. And then, yāall....ā¦Ā
I went into my email and pulled up that PDF with our CBA in it SO DAMN FAST.
And Iām speeding through, speeding through, trying to find the right sections, like, Whatās it gonna be, whatās it gonna be, are they taking my money, please no please no....ā¦
Then I get to 'em and itās like: Enjoy this FULL salary for your WHOLE-ASS maternity leave. GUARANTEED two-bedroom apartment. FIVE-THOUSAND DOLLAR childcare stipend.
And I just sat there, staring at this āboringā collective bargaining agreement.... and literally Iām crying tears of joy.
So the next time you see some news story about the work the WNBPA is doing, and you want to talk your b.s. about how we donāt deserve NBA money, or you can beat us one on one, or we should get back into the kitchen, or whatever it is ā man, just remember, THIS is the stuff we are fighting for. REAL PEOPLE things. ANXIETY LIFTING things. Thatās my LIFE youāre talking about.Ā
Thatās PEACE OF MIND my union just gave me.
So, shoutout to them.
8. I have a few last messages I want to write down here to a few last people.
To my mom and my boyfriend: Yāall are my everything. Thank you for being you.
To all the moms in the W (and SERENA): Yāall are so powerful. From Candace, to DeWanna, to Skylar, to Dearica, to Bria, and on and on ā to every last one of you, I swear. Thank you for the inspiration.
To my Dream fans: Never said it would be easy.... but this team is moving in the right direction, I promise you. Renee is doing her thing up at the top. Courtney is doing her thing as an All-Star. And weāve got young talent that hasnāt even scratched the surface of their potential. Stay with us. Itās about to get fun.
And to the skeptics: Man.... doubt me at your own damn risk. Iām coming back stronger than ever. Iām coming back faster than ever. Iām coming back better than ever. Itās like my mom said to me the other day, āCheyenne, I was reading some articles ā and theyāre saying that athletes can still ātear it upā after being pregnant!ā Yeah, Mom. Theyāre saying that.
Listen to my mother.
9. And then I just have one more thing that I want to say, a special message for a special someone.
To my baby....ā¦
You may not be born yet, but youāre almost here ā and in some ways I feel like we already know each other. I feel like I know your energy. I feel like I know your spirit. I know the part of you that only moms can know.
To be honest, you and I have had a pretty crazy adventure so far. We've gotten through hopefully the worst part of a pandemic. I think we've watched almost the entire Netflix library (our go-tos right now are Selena and Lupin). Weāve also watched a wild amount of League Pass (our favorite players are Aāja Wilson and Joel Embiid). We even played like half a WNBA season (and averaged over 10 ppg, not bad).
I canāt wait to see what we get up to next.
Youāll learn about me, too, as we go. Iām not perfect ā not even close. Youāll see that I can have bad moods (just call me out on them). I can act really dumb (but Iām usually pretty smart). I can be stubborn as hell. And Iāll even take a low-percentage shot every now and then.Ā
Iām gonna make all sorts of mistakes.Ā
Iām gonna say the wrong thing so many times.Ā
Iām gonna do the wrong thing so many times.
But Iāll tell you what.
Iām always, always, always going to be there. You need me, Iām there ā thatās the Mama Cheyenne guarantee. Whether itās in a few months, when youāre hungry, or itās a few months after that, when youāre trying to talk or walk, or a few years after that, when youāre trying to read, or do your times tables, or any of it. When itās time for your first band-aid. Or your first crush. Or your first breakup. Or (letās be real) your first basketball game. When youāre having success, or failure, or both, or youāre anywhere in between. Iām always going to be there.
And whatever it is, whenever it is, I promise ā weāll get through it.
Because weāll do it the same way weāve been doing it since the day I heard you were coming.
Together.