It Took Me 10 Years to Write This

Last off-season, back home in Dallas, my family and friends threw me a surprise party. It was to celebrate something that was about to happen: I officially made it to 10 years in the league.

And credit where it’s due, man. They pulled it off. 

My girlfriend said she wanted to have a date night, and she wanted to do something “Western.” If you know me, then you know that’s not that weird — I’m a Texas boy, I love cowboy s***. So I put on some jeans, put on my boots and I was like, “OK cool.” Didn’t think anything of it. Then before we left for the restaurant, she said, “Let’s stop by your sister’s place on the way, I need to grab something.” Again, didn’t think anything of it. “OK cool.” We get there — it’s one of those condos where they’ve got these nice event spaces for meetings and stuff in the building. And my girlfriend tells me my sister is in one of them studying, so that’s where we’ve gotta go. “OK cool.”

We walk in, and…………… yeah. Western theme everywhere. All my favorite Texas food. Cocktails with my favorite whiskey. Balloons, streamers. And 40-some of my closest people, wearing these cowboy hats that my mom made for everyone, yelling out “SURPRISE!!!!!” I was speechless for real. Like — just to be able to celebrate something like that, with the ones who’ve been there for me most on the journey? It’s hard to even put in words how dope it was. I’ll never forget it.

I won’t lie though: It was also bittersweet. Like, the party itself was so fun. But I just kept having this feeling during it — this awful feeling, where I wasn’t exactly sure at first what it was. And as the night went on, it got worse and worse. I tried to shake it and couldn’t. Until finally, I turned to my girlfriend and said it out loud.

“This is amazing. Except … what the f*** are we celebrating?”

You’re not supposed to talk like this, but here’s the truth: I’ve never been an All-Star. I’ve never made All-NBA. I haven’t won a ring yet. Bro, I haven’t even won the division yet. And we got 40-some people dressed up in cowboy hats, celebrating what I’ve accomplished, throwing me a party with balloons??? I almost felt a little embarrassed.

But then this season happened.

And honestly, I’ve been reflecting back on that party a lot this season — especially over these last few weeks, as we’ve been on this playoff run. And I think I finally get it now. I didn’t fully get it all those months ago, before I actually played in Year 10. But now that I’m deep in it, I think I understand a lot better what it was we were celebrating … and what it is I have to be proud of. And I wanted to write this, because a big part of what I’ve realized — and what means so much to me about my journey — is that it isn’t just “10 years in the league.” It’s 10 years in one city. 

It’s 10 years with y’all.

It’s 10 years as an Indiana Pacer.

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When I say it’s been a journey though…… man, it’s been a journey.

Those first couple of seasons were definitely a strange dynamic. I was out there doing my thing, as this young guy who was just at the start of his career. On a team level, though, we were this veteran group that was closer to the end of something. My rookie season, we lost a Game 7 to Toronto in Round 1. Then my second season, we got swept by Cleveland in Round 1. And I think there was this shock you could feel going through the organization in that moment — of, like, one minute we’re in the Paul George era and the goal is a championship, and the next minute people are talking rebuild. They traded Paul that summer.

It was a tough situation, but I was still so young it didn’t faze me. I was just happy to be in the league, and I had enough of that young-man confidence to think there was no such thing as “the end of something.” In my head I was like, Come on bro, ain’t no REBUILD. We got this. And what’s crazy is, for a while I was right. We brought in Victor and Domas, and we had this rag-tag group — Darren Collison, Cory Joseph, Thad Young, all these dudes — and developed a real chemistry together. Vic became a star. We took LeBron and the Cavs to 7 games in the playoffs. We surprised a lot of people.

And even after Vic had his bad injury the next season, we still kept it going somehow. Made the playoffs again in 2018-19, then actually might’ve had our best season in 2019-20 — no Vic, but we grinded and finished fourth in the East. That was the pandemic season though … and in the Bubble we got our ass kicked by the Heat. And after THAT, I think it was finally like, Alright. That’s enough rag-tagging from y’all. Now we’re rebuilding for real.

Which is kind of when my whole s*** started to fall apart.

I think it was a combination of different things. First we started losing a lot. Then suddenly my name was popping up in trade rumors a lot — and that’s not even anything bad, you know? Very few guys will ever be good enough at hooping to become an NBA trade asset. That’s a high as hell level to reach. But it definitely took a toll on my mental health. I’d see stuff on social media like, “Myles Turner is a finished product”.......... man. Even if I knew it was only basketball talk, it was still hard to keep it basketball-only in my feelings. And maybe that’s dumb when you’re making millions of dollars to play the game you love. But what can I say? I was young and I’m human. And I’m not ashamed to say I got pretty depressed.

I was journaling around that time, and it’s crazy to look back on some of the entries. Here’s a few excerpts from 2021: This is the lowest I’ve ever been in my entire life. … I don’t know how I’m going to get past this. … Is any of this even worth it??? I don’t want to tell this story like it’s A to B to C, because I don’t think it was. But it’s like all these moments of adversity happened that were just kind of loosely connected … and they added up to this darkness that for a while was tough to get out from.

I’m going to mainly stick to the basketball side of my journey in this letter — I want to talk about this second chance I’ve been given to be a part of something with the Pacers, and how special these last two years have been, and how much it’s all meant to me. But I’m just gonna say one important thing on a personal level, that has nothing to do with basketball, for any young person who is reading this and might need to hear it. Getting out of the darkness I was in wasn’t easy … but the first step I had to take was incredibly simple: I stopped trying to do it alone. I turned to my people. And I’m gonna shout them out by name here because I owe them that (and more). My mom, Mary. My dad, Dave. My sister, My’a. My girlfriend, Aysia. My team, Lavelt. Taylor. Vertima. Slim. They were there for me in my lowest moments — then believed in me as someone who could get back up. And sometimes that’s all it takes, is belief from your people. So just start there I’m telling you. Anything but isolation. The rest is the rest.

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There’s this saying we have in the league: “You’re always one coach away.” 

That can be a good thing or a bad thing. Like, you get stuck with the WRONG coach? That might put your career down a whole wrong path. But you get blessed with the RIGHT coach … straight up, it can change your life.

What’s interesting about Coach Carlisle is, I mostly knew him because I’m a Dallas kid. I was like 15 when the Mavs won their title, and of course he was the head coach of that squad. So I have a lot of amazing memories of him from those days, as the no-nonsense guy who came to town and helped Dirk take out these Miami villains. (See, I’m making it sound like a Western — I told you I’m into cowboy s***.) I probably shouldn’t admit this, but when Coach Carlisle got here, I didn’t know much about his history with the Pacers. Real talk, I didn’t even know he was the coach for Malice at the Palace until recently. He was just the guy who beat the Heat.

But as soon as he got hired, Coach called me up. We’d seen each other a few times around Dallas in the off-season, so he knew that’s where I spent my summers. And the very first thing he said to me was, he’s coming to Dallas. Let’s get a workout in. Let’s get a meal in. Let’s get to know each other a little. Pretty soon he makes the trip (him and Lloyd Pierce — who I also have to mention when it comes to coaches in this league I feel blessed to have crossed paths with). And the thing is, it’s not like the workout that day was anything special. Just some shooting drills. But once we started talking shop after?? It was like … we’re on the same exact wavelength together.

I mean this as a compliment: When Coach Carlisle talks shop, it’s almost like he knows too much ball for a normal conversation. It’s like he’s got all these concepts in his head at once, all this love for the game pouring out every time he says anything, and he gets so passionate it’s like he can’t just settle on any one thought. And I’m the same way. So we started chopping it up about this basic shooting drill, and pretty soon we’re juggling like seven different conversations at the same time, cutting each other off talking about this idea, and this idea, and this idea. It’s almost like a foreign language when you’re talking hoop at that level. And it was such a good feeling, being in the gym with your head coach and being like, Oh, OK………. He speaks the language. He lives for this. He’s one of US.

We got dinner that night at this steakhouse in Dallas, Nick & Sam’s — and we just talked for like two hours about life and basketball. I didn’t tell Coach about some of the more personal stuff I’d been dealing with, but I’m guessing he could sense how much those last few years had weighed on me, and what it was meaning in that moment just to hear a head coach talk about my career with some excitement. Or to have someone talk to me about my future like it wasn’t fully written yet. He wasn’t trying to sell me anything … didn’t promise me anything. But he was just like, I see your worth. I want you on this team. I think this has potential.

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It was like every season, I felt we were right there — but there was this one missing piece. 

We needed a point guard. 

And I mean a TRUE point guard, you know what I’m saying?

Turns out…… we got the truest. When we traded for Tyrese, I honestly wasn’t that familiar with his game. I think the main thing I knew about him was he had this jump shot that people made fun of. I’d actually suffered a stress reaction in my foot a few weeks before the trade, which put me out for the year. So for Tyrese’s first official season in Indiana, I never even stepped on a court with him. I just watched from the bench.

But I was extremely impressed. Like, I’m seeing him play with Goga, who is in Orlando now and doing very well for himself by the way. But Goga was 22 at the time, and our third-string center. And here he was with Tyrese, suddenly putting up these wild stat lines, playing out of his mind  — while I’m over on the bench, just thinking, I’ve GOTTA get out there. I’ve gotta get out there and play with this dude.

That summer, I was so committed. Worked HARD on my body (with Andy Martin, my strength coach), and got in the best shape of my life. I also worked on my mind, meditating and spending a lot of time in nature (which is very underrated I’ve found). And that next season??? Man. I felt like for the first time in my NBA career, I had both 1. a head coach who’s believing in me, and 2. a point guard who’s facilitating for me. And it’s like I was unleashed. 

Right away, I went from 13 ppg to 18 ppg. 33% on threes to 37%. 51% from the field to 55%. And it wasn’t just the numbers — it was so much deeper than that. Like, I don’t know if this will make sense, but it’s the first time where I felt like I had “basketball free will.” I wasn’t just getting told what NOT to do. With Coach and Tyrese, things flowed toward what’s possible. They started to let me engage mentally, not just physically. And when I’m doing that … I feel like I’m who I want to be as a basketball player. 

I’m getting to put my love for the game into the game.

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As good as we were going in 2022-23, though, unfortunately injuries caught up to us. I missed 20 games, Tyrese missed 26. So it was like this tale of two seasons. 23–18 through the first half, then 12–29 in the second. But what’s ironic is, our bad second half in 2022-23 almost worked to our advantage in 2023-24. Because teams would just look at the overall record, I think, and they didn’t realize we’d been lowkey scary a lot of that last season. So I think everyone kind of slept on us going into the next one.

Everyone but us. 

Nah, man. We knew. And I don’t mean “we knew” like “we had a good feeling.” I mean we knew like we knew. We went on this team bonding trip to Nashville that preseason — we’d work out together all day, then go up and down those bars on Broadway all night. And we were talking our talk SO loud on that trip. “These teams are not going to want to see us this year, bro. They’re just NOT.” “They don’t even know our mix of GUYS we got. We’re about to make a run.”

And that last word had a double meaning I guess, because it became our mantra for the season: RUN. That was the motto. It was like, we’re about to be the best-conditioned team in the league by far. We’re about to be the fastest team in the league by far. And we’re about to be the most ball-movement heavy, least iso heavy, most frenetic, most 12 sets of fresh legs, most your old ass is gonna get tired team in the league BY FAR. 

And the league noticed quick. It’s so funny — once word “got out” about our style of play, there were teams that would legitimately plan their stars’ rest schedules around making sure they’d sit out against us. Like, they weren’t even trying to hide it. They’d straight-up tell us. I won’t name names, but guys would be sitting out and then they’d be joking with us pre-game, like, “Nah, I ain’t running with y’all tonight. F*** all THAT.” And I think once we started to see that type of stuff happen — started to see these established teams almost begging off, and letting us hoop on our terms?? Man … once we saw that, I think our eyes got wide open. I think guys bought even more in, and got even more in that mode of: Every game, every time out, it’s another chance to play PACERS basketball. 

It’s another chance to put Indy back on the map.

I remember when we made it to the In-Season Tournament final last year, people were just kind of like, “....the Pacers?? I mean, OK. This is fun.” Like we were cute, not serious. But we knew: That run was only serious. Wasn’t anything cute about it. And then when we traded for Pascal at the deadline, it was a similar response. “Awwww, good for the Pacers. Making a trade.” Just stuff like that. But we knew: You take our ball-movement machine, and now on top of that you give us this 20 ppg scorer who can isolate anytime and get us a bucket?? Now we’re scary-scary. 

Then fast-forward to last year’s playoff run, and it was supposed to be a first-round exit the way people talked. They’ve got their stars … they’ve got their championship vets … they’re gonna have enough. They didn’t have close to enough. 

Then it’s the Knicks in the second round — and we’re supposed to get our ass whooped. But even down 0–2, our confidence was crazy. Because we knew something no one else did: They couldn’t sustain their level. Probably not for two more games … definitely not for five more games. Us, on the other hand? Bro all we KNOW is sustain our level. That’s all we DO. That’s what we did. 

Then Boston swept us, and yeah it sucked. On my life though I thought we could have won that series. We felt like we easily could’ve been heading back to Boston up 3–1, instead of home for the summer. But it’s a complicated feeling with those moments … where you put up a good fight as underdogs, and then everyone is praising you after. And some of it’s earned. But really it’s the league’s way of buttering you up — of “little bro”-ing those younger teams on the come-up. And I think we knew that, and acted accordingly. We weren’t taking that series as a moral victory. 

OK, but also…….. honestly? I’m 29, y’all. I’ve been on the trade block for like six years. I’m only a few years removed from when I was having a hard time making it one day to the next. I’ve been through too damn much to front like I don’t have perspective. So I’ll tell you the truth about how I felt after last season. And the truth is: Even with how it ended? That s*** REVITALIZED me. It really did. I’m not exaggerating when I say it made me fall in love with basketball again. It made me appreciate so many aspects of this game that I’d taken for granted. Like, how there’s almost an ART to a 48-minute NBA game … or an 82-game regular season … or a 7-game playoff series. How they’re like these complex puzzles, or a massive LEGO project (IYKYK) — where you really have to grind, and think brick-by-brick, to get anywhere with them. But then you reach a certain level … and it’s not even a grind anymore. It’s just FUN.

So maybe I lied. Maybe there was a moral victory. Because when I turned the page over to THIS season? That’s the first time since my first few seasons, I think, where my mindset wasn’t “I have to do this.” It was, “I get to do this.” It was excitement about what’s next.

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In 2021, in my journal, I asked: Is any of this even worth it???

And of course the answer is……..… yeah.

All of this is worth it. It’s worth it for so many reasons.

It’s worth it because of the relationships I’ve built with y’all. I think a big reason it’s so gratifying for me to have 10 years with this franchise, it’s because I can kind of visualize those 10 years on a human level. Like, when I think of my time so far with the Pacers, the first thing that pops in my head isn’t even a teammate or coach. It’s the fans who I’ve been seeing at games since my rookie year. Not just Turner’s Block (shout out Turner’s Block), but everywhere throughout Gainbridge. Fans who were babies in 2015 and now they’re in middle school. Or they were in middle school and now they’re in college. Or they were in college and now they’re coming to games with their own damn babies. Being on this journey with those fans — that’s really meant something to me. Just thinking about how, in those times when my life was feeling up and down?? Plenty of y’all were probably up and down as well. And I don’t know if going to Pacers games fixed any of it for either of us. But I do know it helped me, just to spot those friendly faces and think to myself, Well....... they’re still here. Alright. I am, too.

It’s worth it because of what’s happening in Indiana right now. It’s not only us doing our thing, on our second straight playoff run with this group. But it’s also Caitlin Clark and Kelsey Mitchell and Aliyah Boston and them, and they’re the biggest thing in the WNBA at a moment where it’s exploding like crazy. Bro, that’s such an underrated thing about what we have here in Indy. How many cities can say they’ve got one of the most exciting teams in the league in men’s hoops AND women’s hoops — and a fan base who keeps that same energy for both of them?? Maybe it’s us, Minnesota and New York? It’s not a lot of places. So for me, when I think about why it’s so dope what’s happening with the Pacers, it’s about more than the Pacers. It’s about how Indianapolis, Indiana is the basketball capital right now. We really do this in Indy. The game runs through us.

It’s worth it because of guys like Andrew Nembhard, guarding the other team’s best player 94 feet the entire game — then making timely cuts, timely passes and timely-ass shots. Or Aaron Nesmith, who’s taken an astronomical leap, to the point where we have full confidence in him in any situation. Or T.J. McConnell, who I’d give one of the best compliments you can give a player: If he was on the other team, I’d hate that dude. Thank God he’s not. (Sorry to our opponents though.) Or Benn Mathurin — you can’t believe he’s only 22. Not just a natural-born scorer, but absolutely fearless with it. And got himself back from his labrum tear with unreal dedication. Or Obi Toppin, who they fumbled in New York and now he’s shooting the lights out for us, he’s taking the roof off our building with every lob finish, he’s just all-around thriving. Or Thomas Bryant, who brings the experience of winning a ring, but also this energy and passion for the game that can’t be replicated. Or Jarace Walker and Ben Sheppard, who if people don’t know them yet then they’re about to. Or James Johnson, who doesn’t really play but he stays impactful, with his veteran leadership and taking the young dudes under his wing. Like, what makes our team effective … it goes beyond elite stars, or elite depth, or even elite work ethic. We have elite role clarity. We have a team that’s a TEAM, and a group that’s a GROUP.

It’s worth it because, as fun as last year was — we’re not last year’s team. We’re like last year’s team’s big brother. We’re a year older, a year wiser, most definitely a year tougher … and we’ve been through a year’s worth more of battles together. A year’s worth more of not taking anyone’s s*** together. This is mid-playoffs so it’s subject to change but I wrote out my “current enemies” list (it’s always good to keep one current). Right now we got: any teams still alive in the EAST, anyone alive in the WEST, any teams we played in Round 1 that were talking OD-personal (I hope they’re enjoying their summer vacation), every expert who has ever picked against us, anyone who hasn’t given Coach Carlisle his flowers yet, everyone who voted Tyrese overrated on some NBA high school s***, every team that plays the Fever next season, and that’s the end of the list for now but to be honest with you it’s only May.

It’s worth it because, all jokes aside? I’m truly just grateful to be here right now. I’m grateful for the Pacers for taking a chance on a kid out of Bedford, Texas — who felt alienated in high school for being awkward and different, then got named “one of the most disappointing players in college” when he was still just trying to figure this world out. I’m grateful for the resilience I’ve found to be my own damn validation, and my own complex puzzle I’m building, and my own unfinished product I’m working on. I’m grateful for never letting the wrong people f*** with my vision … and for always finding the RIGHT people in this incredible city. And for finding the right team, at the right time, to ride through these playoffs with.

It’s worth it because….... simply put.….. I LOVE BASKETBALL. I love it so much, man. It makes so much sense to me. It saved me. It’s perfect.

But it’s a little better in Indiana.

Let’s be a little better tomorrow night.

—Myles